carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
