I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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