I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
