I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize