Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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