I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
