he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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