i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
