The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
