All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yo dont text me then not text me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
