Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
