That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize