You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
