just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I AM VODKA MAN
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
