My Higher Power is John Stamos
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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