Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
