R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My vagina is officially offended.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize