it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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