you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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