I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
