when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
