Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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