my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
