i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
