also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
