i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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