Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
