why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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