Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
