I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
