i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
