how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
