so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
