i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
