i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
