I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
