I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
