Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
