I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
