Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
