fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
