I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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