no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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