At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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