I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
