no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
