Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
