I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
