oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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