I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
