Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
