A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
