i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
