Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
