There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
