But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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