You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
