So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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