In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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