Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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