Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
