Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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