Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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