You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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