he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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