we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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