Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
