He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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