I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You were trust falling into bushes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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