I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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