I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
