he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
